by Mike Hendrix
Longtime readers will no doubt remember the outrageous hot-rod Sportster-powered Pro-Street barstool from issue #168. Dreamed up, engineered, and built by Chris "Goose" McElhattan of Charlotte, NC's McElhattan's Machine and Rod, the thing remains a fire-breathing, attention-grabbing, man-maiming monster, a snarling brute of a one-off that turns heads everywhere it goes. But that was hardly the last word in Goose's lexicon of insane gear head poetry. Of late, he's outdone himself again.

Feast your eyes on Porky's Purgatory, a BBQ smoker built entirely from a 500-gallon propane tank, scrap steel purchased at 30¢ a pound, and various other bits of junkyard flotsam and jetsam. This behemoth weighs in at 3600 pounds; the stack alone—which is made from Schedule 40 round stock at 3/8" thick, and would look right at home on a Civil War-era Mississippi steamboat—weighs 70 pounds. Goose says he intended to build the thing sturdy, and that's just what it is: "In case we had to cater a party in someone's backyard sometime and accidentally dragged it under a tree, the tree will come down before the stack does," he says.

Unearthing the raw material

According to Goose, the internal baffle was the hardest bit to get right; on dual-chambered cookers, it's crucial that there be as little temperature variance as possible between the chambers, and this one runs at a near-perfect 9 degrees, maximum. Not too shabby.

He was going to build a conventional firebox from scratch, but decided instead to go with an abandoned old wood stove rescued from a Mount Holly, NC farmer. He has smoking stock ranging from Shaggy Bark Hickory from Tennessee to Texas Mesquite, and everything else in between, including Fuji Apple, Cherry, and Pecan. He'll cook up anything smokeable that your heart might desire: Eastern NC-style BBQ, cherry-roasted oysters, and even honey-basted whole lamb are all on the menu, and this cooker will handle that and more with classy, outlaw-custom style.

Work in progress

The trailer pin striping was done by local legend Eddie Brown, a 70-year old genius who's been striping since the tender, impressionable age of 14, and still does it the old-school way: entirely off-the-cuff and by hand (look for an in-depth interview with Eddie in an upcoming issue of OB; he also striped Leatherballs's beloved rip-snorting Sportster, and he can't praise Eddie's work highly enough). Invaluable assistance was also provided throughout the project by Goose's part-time hand and machinist extraordinaire, Jimmy Doty, a.k.a. the Little Fat Kid. Jimmy also works full-time in a machine shop in addition to his nighttime gig at Goose's, and put in a lot of his scarce hours on the cooker, to fine effect.

Sorry, P-P-P-P-P-P-Porky

Porky's Purgatory also features a built-in potato slicer, two large deep-fryers, and a standard State Park charcoal grill mounted on the front of the trailer, which was hand-built entirely from the ground up out of whatever scrap happened to be lying around. All in all, it's one hell of an impressive custom build, and certainly throws a delicious party to boot. You can reach Goose's Wood-Fired Catering at 704-332-9257, or just stop by the shop at 1332 D-4 Central Avenue in Charlotte. Your girlish figure won't thank you, but your taste buds sure will.